A gift

Stories are how we transmit knowledge.  A student shared a poem with me this week.

Roll the Dice

Charles Bukowski

If you’re going to try, go all the

way.

otherwise, don’t even start.

if you’re going to try, go all the

way.

this could mean losing girlfriends,

wives, relatives, jobs and

maybe your mind.

go all the way.

it could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days.

it could mean freezing on a

park bench.

it could mean jail,

it could mean derision,

mockery,

isolation.

isolation is the gift,

all others are a test of your

endurance, of

how much you really want to

do it.

and you’ll do it

despite rejection and the worst odds

and it will be better than

anything else

you can imagine.

if you’re going to try,

go all the way.

there is no other feeling like

that.

you will be alone with the gods

and the nights will flame with

fire.

do it, do it, do it.

do it.

all the way.

all the way.

you will ride life straight to

perfect laughter, its

the only good fight

there is.

Captain's log, stardate ...

"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey.  We are spiritual being on a human journey." -Stephen Covey

I was in a car accident on Wednesday.  I was just thinking that this had been a pretty good morning.  The volunteer team I work with was recognized by the staff council and a team meeting with Sam's teachers had me jealous:  Sam has a great team of teachers and even more, we were all reveling in Sam's good work and how much he's grown in the past year. Yes, his height is impressive, but even more awesome is to witness his development into a bright, responsible (but still goofy) young man.  He's at the great age where in one moment he's a young adult in cahoots with the joke, and the next he's on the floor with his little brother in full play mode. (And, in full disclosure, he's still a big brother subject to being annoyed by his little brother - which is a requirement for all siblings: To annoy and be annoyed.)

I'm running a few things through my head.  Need to make some decisions. And then - construction cones, one lane and tail lights. Stop, look up and see the person behind me is not going to be able to. The force of two cars hitting mine pushes me into the back of the car ahead of me.  My car took all the force - being tipped down from my stop had my hood pop right up and pushed in the radiator.  Repairable but expensive.

I took a minute to let the first shakes rattle through.  The fourth car left the scene, leaving three of us to assess the damages.  We had all pulled into the closed lane, stepped out of our vehicles and asked to make sure everyone was okay.   All of our separate little worlds just stopped. No 12:30 appointment.

And we made our calls, got our papers, and we all sat together.  Not really speaking - but we sat together.  3 soft and squishy little people with our big, bent up cars, and waited for the police to take the report. We talked a little, joked a little.  But I was just struck by how of all places, we chose to sit and comfort each other.  Mostly quiet and being present - well, probably thinking of everything. Strange.  Reassuring  in that little moment before all the insurance companies and the distraction of repairs and decisions.

The officer commented how calm I was - I guess because my car looked the worst, I was supposed to be the most upset.  Most important, everyone was okay. This can all be figured out.  Not every crisis gives us so many options.

I work with students - often times when they are in crisis. Oftentimes a broken heart, a destroyed faith.  I get to be a lighthouse when they are navigating a storm - not the destination, but a reference point. There's a few students working through some pretty tough passages right now.  And I learn with them. And it's sacred space. 

But, it's all sacred space.

So, here I'm going to talk as I can about this human journey - mine.  Observations. Marveling. Criticizing. And hopefully paying attention to it.

L'shanah tova!

(an older post)

L'shanah tova - It's Rosh Hashanah.  My first Rosh Hashanah.   I'm a recovering Catholic (RC). The boyz in my life, Sam and Adam, are Jewish.  Their father is also a recovering Catholic.  Their mother, Beth, converted to Judaism, I believe she was exploring her father's faith (he's Jewish). Faith has been an important part of my journey, and I hope that I can help encourage the boyz to continue the journey their mother started. 

I will have you know that the whole dinner idea was Denise's. Denise is a free-range fireball of positive energy.  I have to laugh - she suggested celebrating with a meal together and next asking what stuff they should bring over on Sunday...she's a smooth one.   When dinner was served, it grew to include 4 families - 6 kids and 6 adults.  Like the miracle of all great meals, enough food and wine and dessert was found and had by all. Many thanks to my Facebook Advisors and Allrecipes.com in identifying the menu and an appropriate brisket recipe!


We started the day with our 2nd annual (race's 5th) Ovarian Cancer 5k.

The whole fam completed the 5k this year.  Even Adam did the full course completing his FIRST 5k - last year we did our own walk through the woods and back to the finish.  Sam also shattered last year's time by about 8 minutes coming in just under 40 minutes this year.   I felt a little like Jillian Michaels coaching him (perhaps torturing him) on....we would jog/trot for two minutes and then walk one minute.  The boy is 6'2" and it seems like with one long John Cleese stride, he could easily surpass 5 of my little steps.  When we turned on to Highland, I suggested he could report me to Child Protective Services for abuse...he got a good laugh out of it and started to tease me for abusing him. Sam was also amused that he finished before his 6th grade gym teacher.

Adam finishes his first 5K

The race attracted about a thousand runners this year - was tough to see so many families who are touched by ovarian cancer.   Beth fought it for about 8 years. 

 ***

Tonight, as we finally sat down to eat - it was a pretty great Rosh Hashanah.  In all of our fumbling to put all the traditions out for the meal, we worked through Beth's books on Jewish Traditions. 

Denise lead the lessons, Sophie shared her Shofar (ram's horn), and only Sam was able to get a good blat out of it -

Food was spread over the counters - and well -eventually -  the floor. Boxes and bags of things still needing a home lined the dining room - and there was a sense of just winging it and "someday" doing it right. But then I realized- no - this was the day. This was the celebration and it was just as right as it could be.  The kids had a blast at their table while the adults sat in the next room sipping good wine and marveling at all the dishes that were brought together.  Hope the boyz will remember a Rosh Hashanah full of laughs, friends and love. Happy New Year.